His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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