...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
