I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
