She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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