I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
