we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
be right there i have to get my cape
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
