Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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