tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
