if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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