So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
