even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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