also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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