What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
