That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
