I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
