If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
