so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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