How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
