Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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