Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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