We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
