i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
