My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
