I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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