The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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