Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
