Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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