we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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