was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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