I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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