My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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