20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
