none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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