A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
