By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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