i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
