Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
