fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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