Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
