We're like a lot better than the average bears
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
