i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
