I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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