Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
