he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
