her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
