it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
