there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
