Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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