Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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