I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
