Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
