You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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