Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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