I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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