i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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