apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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