I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
