so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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